All of us have experienced it. Have you felt torn before making a decision due to the many voices in your head? This is not limited to people with split personality disorders. Some call it angel vs the devil. Others call it the ego vs the id (Sigmund Freud)
From my reflection, they tend to fall under 4 categories.
1. The voice of Fear
2. The voice of Judgement
3. The voice of Compassion
4. The voice of Wisdom
How do you choose which voice to listen to?
Voice of Fear
The voice of fear is pure and innocent. They are legit warnings that were meant to keep us alive. "Do not go near the fire!" However, given we grew up in a relatively safe environment, most of the fear came from bad experiences during childhood (sense of rejection, betrayal, failure) to keep us emotionally safe.
Voice of Judgement
The ego was constructed when you were faced with bad experiences. It thinks by building a wall around the tender heart, it could protect us from further harm. It likes to tell us irrational stories.
Have you experienced a feeling over a feeling? When we feel incompetent, weak, rejected, the ego hides the initial emotions by piling over guilt/ shame / judgement. "You are a pussy for feeling weak."
During the journey towards authenticity, the voices from the ego will shout louder than before. When the ego speaks, there is a sense of defiance, or defensiveness. He also has the fear of being judged and cares about how others think about himself. The ego's voice would be aggressive, angry, frustrated, hurt as it has an image to protect, until his death!
The only way to combat guilt/ shame is through compassion.
A common challenge in this journey, is to slap on a NEW layer of judgement during the practise of compassion, by judging ourselves for NOT being compassionate. "I am disappointed with myself for even thinking I am a pussy for feeling weak!" That is feelings over feelings over feelings! However when you are at this stage, do not despair and do not give up! Breakthrough is just a door away.
Voice of Compassion and Wisdom
The voice of compassion is soft. It gives yourself permission to feel - to hurt, to forgive, to let go. "It's ok to be weak sometimes."
Compassion and self-love is needed to tend to fear and dissolve judgement. Only when fear and judgement are being acknowledged and accepted, the voices will quiet down for Wisdom to appear. She has the softest but clearest voice. Some may call it intuition, or claim it is a higher-being speaking to you. She is impartial and will guide you with ease and assurance.
Conversations of the Ego vs Id
With the ever evolving situation of the Coronavirus, I am having a daily conversation with myself about my upcoming RAW Connection event on 25 Mar. I have spent weeks preparing for the event and was looking forward to practise authentic relating with like minded participants.
This morning, the 2 voices in my head went like this, "We will proceed with the event because we are making a stand for connection (Wisdom speaking, notice the desire and intention)," "... but others may judge me for holding an event irresponsibly (fear speaking)".
Few hours ago, the government announced to stop gathering that is more than 10 pax, in effect from Thu midnight onwards.
I listened to the 2 voices in my head. They went like this, "We should proceed with the event because we are not flouting government rules though man, we are cutting it close! (Defensive ego speaking, notice the "should")" "...but participants may be at risk of infection (the compassionate voice speaking)."
I cancelled the event within an hour of decision making. There was no guilt. There was softness, and dignity... The feeling that it is just right, nothing more nothing less. I am grateful, I am at peace.
Authenticity is not a destination, but a daily practise of being compassionate to self. By quietening the mind, the ONE voice left that serves you helps you to trust yourself and your decision. Wisdom will come abundantly.