Day 1 of Circuit Breaker, I shaved my head bald.
"Is it for a cancer cause?" This is the most common question received.
Nope.
The introduction of Circuit Breaker threw everything that I was familiar with, and looking forward to, out of the window. I felt like I had no control over what is happening at the time, and shaving my head was one thing I had control of.
I have always fantasized a pixie cut, and have experimented with shorter and shorter hair over the years. I went to different salons and the "shortest hair length allowed" was at the hair stylists mercy.
At every visit, I will ask, "What would you recommend?" Wishing one of them will tell me, "Let's do a pixie cut!" That never happened. So I will ask casually, "What about a pixie cut?" Every single time, they will say, "No, your face shape does not suit this style. Let's keep it to the bob cut." And so, I have had a bob cut for YEARS, from most of the stylists that I have visited (yawns).
So enough hair always remained, so that my ‘look’ continued to fall into the realm of obvious femininity. Women are constantly told by society that they need to have long hair to be pretty (including my husband).
I did not go crazy overnight. It is after years of self exploration, that I finally felt comfortable and strong enough to break that societal standard. I had no idea how much I define my beauty based on my hair - and how insecure I felt whenever someone commented how thin my hair was. Now the hair is gone, and when I look in the mirror, it's the most #raw version of myself.
I felt incredibly empowered and free. With the quarantine period, I did not need to worry about friends'/ colleagues' opinions. I only cared about what I thought of ME.
I felt like it allowed me to present myself exactly how I’d always wanted to. I also felt reborn and pure. I hope others can see me for who I am, beyond the appearances. The feeling of love and support received has been AMAZING!
"Wow, this looks good on you. I wish I have the courage to do it!" This is the second most common response received. My answer to you is this: Try it! If you never tried it, you would never know whether it suits you, or not. If it doesn't, your hair is going to grow back anyway!
It’s hard for people to understand the significance of shaving your head off until you’ve actually experienced it for yourself. I am glad I took the chance when I had the opportunity.
This was the test of listening to my authentic voice. I am so grateful my husband responded when I asked him for help to shave my head off. I gained so much trust to myself and also in our relationship because of this experience.
The next step, is for me to redefine what it means to be feminine. People tend to think that a buzz cut means one is strong and rebellious. I would like to be bald yet soft and feminine. I believe that, long hair or no hair, a woman can be feminine and beautiful.
Love and light,
Elle